Walking Works!!!

I saw "Walking Works" on the front of a magazine, referring to losing weight. I will confirm that by saying YES, it does work! I am proof! I lost 20 pounds over a few months by walking on my lunch break to de-monotonize my desk job life. 

After stopping, I gained that 20 pounds back though. 

So now I am sticking to my guns and walking on lunch, and working out after work! 

Can you believe how self conscious girls are of their bodies? It's horrible. The female body is an object that is supposed to be a reflection of yourself. But damn! All we can do is obsess about it 24/7. Worry, worry, worry. Not good enough, not good enough. Everyone will look at me and be able to tell I can't control myself when cookie dough is within reach. Everyone will look at me and be able to tell that I eat candy every day. Everyone will look at me and be able to tell that I have a nightcap every evening.

It's wrong that we have to see ourselves this way. It's wrong that to look good we are fighting a constant battle.

What do I want? Well I'm on the stupid wagon too. I want to look good. I want to fit back into my GOSHDERN pants! I have a beach trip coming up with guys and their hot girlfriends/wives and I do not want to be the chunky, misshapen uggo along for the ride. But why? Why are we ever ashamed? I can't help that I have a big butt and small boobs. Why should I try to hide and mask that? I can't help that I have a round face and naturally chubby cheeks. UGH INTERNAL CONFLICT. 

Well, regardless, it is healthy to exercise and eat less junk. So I am doing that for my health, and welcoming any improvements that brings to the vessel I was given. 

Hippie Stuff

So I've been trying a few new things lately that I just have to gush about!

First of all, yeah I almost fell out of the blog thing again because of Xmas break and all that. But I'm back!

-Thing #1: I made my own facial toner. Ever since I was 14 I've been using the BeautiControl skincare system. Don't get me wrong, I love BeautiControl! I really do! I will probably always be addicted to their oil-free facial moisturizer. But pay $20 per bottle for every product is well... kinda high now that I'm paying for it myself. (cleanser, scrub, toner, moisturizer)
SO. I googled it, (I feel awful now for not knowing what blog I took this from) and made my own toner!
It has green tea, lemon, honey, and tea tree oil. I think it is seriously magical! This is gonna rock.

My skin, no edit:

- Thing #2: Oil pulling. It sounds really gross. But every morning I swish coconut oil in my mouth for like 15 minutes. It's supposed to have great short term and long term effects on your body. Killing bacteria in your mouth, freshening breath, body detox, etc. So far so good. I'm gonna stick with it. I don't want any more cavities. Hopefully this will help :)

- Thing #3: Coconut oil treatments on my scalp. I have a SUPER messed up scalp. Like, scratch till it bleeds, dandruff to the extreme, it's snowing crystals off my head, I can't enjoy my day because my head is so itchy and burning. So I've started rubbing a mixture of coconut oil and tea tree oil on my scalp at night, letting it set, and then washing it out. I have to say I think it's helping. Not perfect yet, but definitely helping.

- Thing #4: Lemon water in the morning! There were a few reasons I wanted to start this. Cleanses your aura, helps aid in weight loss, digestion, vitamin C, hydration, etc. I'm loving that. I just squeeze half a lemon into my water, and suck it through a straw.

When I look at this list I seem like a total hippie. But I feel really accomplished!

The Darkness

I've always been attracted to all things dark. It's funny because I'm actually a very nice and kind person.
First of all, one of my biggest passions is metal. Black, death, doom, power, basically all of it. Not that I want to try and identify everything in its sub sub genre - whatever. I listen every day. All metal is not "dark" by any means, but the more sinister, the better for me. There is something so honest about pure negative feelings. Sweet unrestrained evil. Inhuman screams uttering all the things you're afraid to say or hear. People so often try to ignore or suppress their dark side, their sorrow, their anger, but within metal, it is unleashed. I think it is okay to acknowledge the darkness in you. You can't deny all the tragedy and hatred in the world. In a way it makes certain parts of life even more beautiful. The thing is, we live in this universe that balances on duality. We need dark and light. I think I get a good helping of both. And you know what?? You can't take life too seriously. You have to have a sense of humor. I think that is what also allows me to take in the world as it really is --- MESSED UP.

What else do we have? Demons!!! Let me preface this by saying I don't have any particular religious beliefs. But I'm pretty sure there are "evil spirits" out there with a lot of power. However I'm not sure why they make me so excited. Probably simply because they know the answers to what lie beyond this life. Also because they don't give a F*** and I think that's awesome.

On the same note, all things paranormal and supernatural.... I am basically obsessed with. Ghosts, demons, aliens, bigfoot, werewolves, etc. Again, because I see all of these things as a window to the answers we are all really wanting - what lies beyond?

AND my real dream is to one day be a mortician - specifically, an embalmer. Okay maybe I'm ridiculously messed up. But I think I can handle being around death. I also believe I can keep my cool and exude comfort to those affected by it. Plus, on the scientific side, I get to prepare dead bodies, perform procedures, and unlike a doctor, I won't have to worry about making a mistake and killing someone. (ha!) From the artistic side, I get to do reconstruction and makeup. That is also super awesome. It's extremely hard to get into this line of work without connections in the state I am in, but fingers crossed for someday.

Relapse // and Japan.

Okay so I quit that detox thing. OMG it was super hard! I would like to think I am a person with self control but.... eff that thing. The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was probably the fact that I put cajun seasoning (by accident) in my dinner smoothie instead of cayenne pepper. AND I ACTUALLY DRANK LIKE HALF OF IT! Geez. So now I'm back to coffee and grains and dairy life.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS.......

Let's move on so I can just talk about myself and my weirdness to try to express myself through words so that one day internet strangers can understand me as a person.

I love Japan! Japanese fashion, culture, language, anime, video games, Rilakkuma, I love it all.

Final Fantasy has basically formed the basis of my life and my perception of existence. That's like all I ever play. And yeah, I've tried the newer ones but I keep playing 7, 8, 9 over and over. I do like 10 as well though. 7 is the best thing in the world. All I will ever need is my PSX. If I was that kind of person I would cover my whole body with FF tattoos. I've been obsessed since I was 12. So... 13 years. wow.

In that same branch of my tree -- my husband surprised me with the first half of the Deathnote series on DVD! We freaking LOVE Deathnote. It's like the first anime he's truly been into, so it's great that we can watch it together. The whole thing is just a giant mindf***. I feel like I become smarter just by watching it. It's something we can look forward to watching together on the edge of our seats each night.
I have to give him some more credit, though. He did watch all of Chobits with me, and actually pay attention, and laugh. Sweet husby <3

I want to go to Japan. Or live there!! Big cities absolutely freak me out, here in the US at least... but for some reason Tokyo seems perfect in my eyes.

I think I need to get my own savings account.... So I can save up to go there. I hope that doesn't seem like there's a divide between my husband and me, but we both want very different things. How can we be fair if we don't divide the money?

For real this time.

Okay. Life is back in order, I have a great office job which will allow me to do this for real. We will just see where this goes. Maybe I will get a theme eventually.

Actually, today I started Dr. Oz's 3-day Detox Cleanse. I'm pretty sure I desperately need it for several reasons. I looked at several options, and decided the smoothie thing would taste the best for me. I am 3 hours in and doing fine so far.

In October I quit my job. I was a victim of verbal and psychological abuse for a year and a half (courtesy of my ex-boss). To quit was extremely liberating. I left my boss a letter telling him all the things he should probably stop doing if he wants to improve retention in his company. I finally felt like I had a voice. And strength to stand up for myself. (It was a small privately-owned business. HR was the boss's wife. To report him to someone on the outside might cause everyone to lose their job. Trust me, I considered the options. Actually my family says I should have called the police a time or two, but sometimes, all you can do is save yourself.)

I have a NEW job. Now, life is awesome! I am even going to get off the prozac early next year. It has been great but it makes me SOOOO SLEEPY. ugh.

So, on another note...... I'm WAY into all things paranormal. This week I've been reading about children who have "imaginary friends", who talk about their past lives, and have other psychic experiences. It's tripping me out. I think I definitely believe in psychic powers and spirits. I'm really excited to think that reincarnation is real and death is not bad and that all our souls are connected and will return to the lifestream one day. (FF reference, sorry.) I am very enlightened this morning.

Unfortunately I have no psychic abilities. My husband Zell has some psychic strengths for sure. Although, maybe it's for the better.

More rambles to come.

Here we go.

I'm still trying to understand what exactly a blog is. I have avoided trying to start one for so long because..well, I don't have a purpose. Finally I've decided that I don't have to have a purpose. This is just going to be random truth, reality. I'm going to rant about crazy things and talk about what I love. This is not necessarily for me to have an audience or a following. I just think it's going to be a good way for me to express myself, somehow, and maybe some random person out there will relate to me.

I've been thinking. Should I say who I am? Should I say where I live? Should I use curse words?

Hmm. No, no, and yes.

So. I'm 24 years old and going, WTF... am I a grown up? Is this life? Almost 3 years ago I got married, and being married is AWESOME! I'll start with my husband. He is an ULTRA RUNNER. Meaning he's some kind of superhuman beast that I didn't even know existed. Actually, he's got a 65-mile race in a couple of weeks and I'm going along for the ride to be his cheerleader. How does this make me feel? Like a lazy pile of bones and undeveloped muscle.

Zell and I have a wonderful relationship. And I'm not really sure why.. Maybe we're both that kind of person that is good relationship material. But we really enjoy talking to each other and spending time together, and that is important.

I had to introduce you to Zell from the beginning because I will be talking about him a lot, as he is my other half.

That is it for now. Let's see what I write about next. I'm not sure if it will be interesting or exciting, but I am looking forward to it.

(PS - this picture is ME and my best friend. That's about all you're going to be seeing of me, since I'm ANONYMOUS!!)